Facing Myself

I think the feeling of being loved is so incredibly rare, that when it touches you it can be overwhelming. I have the blessing of being incomprehensibly loved by my grandparents - Grammy and Grandpa.

I didn't know until about a year ago when my cousin told me, that my grandparents had been saving every email I'd ever sent them and everything I've ever written them. I figured they might save a few of the cards of drawings I did when I was a kid and it was cute, but all my college craziness? wow. Even if I haven't had the guts to act on my dreams of being a writer, they always believed in me and held onto each word I did write, believing it was the beginnings of something great.

Recently, as they've been having to prepare to move out of their home by cleansing all their stuff, my grandmother gave me the box in which all these emails were being treasured. Ok, by recently, I mean about 9 months or so ago. The gesture was so sweet, but in all this time, I haven't had the guts to open the box. I've been pretty afraid of what I'll find in there.

It's staring at me from across the room right this minute - hidden behind a couch, it can see me and its watching me, daring me to actually look inside. Not today blue box. I'm not quite ready to face who I might have been back in all those old emails. Facing myself in the mirror today can be challenging enough. Today the line of my comfort zone lies between me and that box.

I should look inside. Grammy thought those emails were worth saving for some reason, and I do believe "the unexamined life is not worth living." So I'm just putting this out there for now, knowing you readers know that I'm afraid of a silly box will hopefully deflate some of its power over me. Eventually I'll work up the guts to open in, even read something that's inside, hopefully I can get back to you and share a lesson or two I learn from that experience. But not today!