Hail the Conquering Winner! & Happy New Year's Eve!

As reward for being the first to correctly identify the most of my story pots, Emily got to personally request a custom made pot for herself. Emily requested a pot designed after the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. The great prize for me is that I got to give her the pot in person. She looks pretty unhappy about it, but don't worry, that's just Emily mimicking Alexander. See the pot and the winner below:

Congratulations Emily!

Now for a new competition. I am less than 48 hours away from my due date [January 2, 2011] - who can guess when this baby is going to actually come? Your prize will likely be nothing more than photos of the little one unless I can come up with something better in my post partum delirium, sorry. I've been having more contractions and labor symptoms with each day, but still haven't entered early labor yet. But if you could tell me when to expect her, it sure would be convenient. So much waiting and anticipation!

Happy New Year to you all!

Centering around the baby in this hectic season

Belated Merry Christmas Everyone!

I'm sure I'm not alone in being a bit worn out by all the holiday hustle and bustle - but I feel a bit more impacted by it than usual with my energy lowering and my feet feeling achey at the slightest provocation. Five days to the due date for our baby, and my mind too, is all a jumble. I have managed to do a few creative things lately, like Christmas decorating and having a little fun with wrapping presents:

But most of my credit for the blog last week and this week goes to how uncomfortable I feel in the last stage of pregnancy. There's all the physical discomfort, compounded with the emotional worries and fears. One of the bigger frustrations I'm realizing is that I am the type of person who really likes to complete projects on time. In school I often turned papers in early, and even graduated early from college. The thought of delivering late somehow makes me feel like I should get points taken off, from what score, I don't know. But as my mind is jumbled, presents are being purchased and received, as I attempt to have our lives in some semblance of order to be "prepared" for a little one to come into the world, I've really appreciated some recent encouragements that have helped me think about centering.

This past Sunday, we had a new worship leader directing the music. What really stuck out to me was the strength of his musical leadership. Because of how the audio was balanced and because of the strength of his voice, his vocal was a clear dominant force in the music. I have heard other bands where the "lead vocal" wasn't loud or strong enough, or the harmonies or other instruments were just too strong and overpowered the lead. In these muddled instances, I would find it difficult to know what melody to follow, especially if the song was unfamiliar. But with this strong lead, the harmonies and other instruments fell beautifully into place, enhancing both the lead as well as their own sounds. This prioritized balance also made it clear to me the part I could sing as part of the corporate accompaniment.  I love to sing harmony, so this made me very happy.

After the worship, the pastor spoke on a passage in Luke telling the Christmas story. He quoted C.S. Lewis, who was speaking about how the central story in an overall narrative should inform and enhance all the other pieces of the narrative. If the "central story" fails to do this by not having anything to do with the other pieces, confusing the other pieces, or what have you, then something is wrong with the "central story."

I have really been struck lately by how effectively the story of Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection satisfy this requirement of a central story in the overall narrative of Christian scripture. I've been reading the story of David. After David goes through lots of drama and war and running around with Saul, he is finally firmly established as king. Once he is, God speaks to David and makes him a promise:

"I will raise up your offspring after you, who shall come forth from your body, and I will establish his kingdom. He shall build a house for my name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom and he shall be a son to me. When he commits iniquity, I will punish him with a rod such as mortals use, with blows inflicted by human beings. But I will not take my steadfast love from him, as I took it from Saul, whom I put away from before you. Your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me, your throne shall be established forever."
~2 Samuel 7:12-16

In the notes in my bible, it says that this is a prophecy about David's son, Solomon, which may be true. But I find that often prophecies have an immediate fulfillment, and a deeper, more long term fulfillment that tends to point back to something that Jesus is up to. Jesus is born in the line of David (see Matthew 1:6, 17), and is often referred to as the "Son of David." David's offspring, check. Jesus often speaks of his work on earth as establishing His kingdom, as John the Baptist prepared the way for Christ's coming, he said "the Kingdom of heaven has come near" (Matthew 3:2). Establishing "his" kingdom, check. Jesus refers to his "father's house" in Luke 2:49 (he's a kid, his parents have lost him on their way home, they go back and find him in the temple, he says "didn't you know I would be in my Father's house?"), John 2:16 (Jesus turns the table in the temple saying, "stop turning my Father's house into a market"), and John 14:2 ("my Father's house has many rooms . . . I go there to prepare a place for you.") to name a few specific references. Jesus is building a house for God's name, check. Jesus is a son to God, check (if you're not satisfied with Jesus just referring to him as father, see Matthew 3: 17, God says "this is my son"). And while Jesus never commits iniquities, He takes on our sins, and human beings inflict him with blows, but God does not take His love away from Jesus, He resurrects Him from death, and Jesus and His kingdom, having conquered sin and death, are eternally established and secured. Kingdom made sure forever, check.

That's just what came to me in reading that prophecy, I hope I'm not being heretical or anything, but it seems to make sense. If it does, how incredible that the central story, Jesus, lends so much more weight and meaning to the story of just one guy, a humble shepherd, way back in the old testament. Like the strong musical vocals, when there is a clear, dominant, central guiding force, all the other details fall into place and have so much more meaning and beauty.

In reflecting on some of my creative projects, this whole blog, or in a larger sense, my identity altogether, things seem to be all over the place. There isn't much of a dominance or centrality. My creative projects in this blog have gone from quilting to consulting, my academic studies started with philosophy and wound up with social work, and I'm itching to explore other territories in the future. My career has gone from my first internship in graphic design, to nonprofit marketing work, to mental health social work, to whatever you call what I am right now. My sense of place has been rooted in Houston, Santa Barbara, Berkeley, San Diego, and is developing in Maine. I feel like a jumbled ball of yarn in so many respects. But in a matter of days, I feel like my priorities are going to line up in a very distinctive way. I can't count how many friends have told me that having a baby shifts all of your priorities. I am honestly looking forward to my baby girl providing some centrality to my life and identity. I have a feeling I really don't know what I'm talking about yet though even as I type this (all the moms reading this are nodding their heads).

So while everyone for the past few weeks might have heard one or a million people mention something about focussing on the baby Jesus in this season, I have absolutely found myself centering around my own little baby, and expect that to happen in an even more dramatic way in the days to come. But even as that happens, and even as that centering will probably be appropriate, I want to remember that even as Jesus is the central story tying together, informing, and enhancing all of scripture, so too is he the central story in all of history, including my own life. So as I become all consumed and infatuated with my little need-machine, I hope that I remember to keep Christ as my center - that in keeping Him dominant in my life, even her needs will be better met. Her little life, and the identity of our family, and my own existence will be given more weight and meaning.

The verse I am holding onto, as I enter this new phase with fear and trembling, nervous over tremendous new responsibilities, lost sleep, demands for needs I can't meet, and inevitable failures, is:

Hebrews 12:2, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

I'm sure weariness will be a huge part of my existence, but I hope to not lose heart at least ;). I hope you can find encouragement in this verse as well. Blessings and centering to you in a hectic season!

Pregnancy Craving Creations

I've honestly been a bit disappointed not to have really weird pregnancy cravings. I think I have craved weirder things in other phases of my life than in the past nine months. For example, one of my favorite snacks as a kid was a banana cut down the center long ways, slathered with one layer of peanut butter and then one layer of mayonnaise. While I eat banana with peanut butter nearly nightly lately, the thought of adding mayo on there absolutely sickens me - what was I thinking? ew. But while I don't think they're all that weird, I have come up with two snacks that I attribute to pregnancy hormones:

1) Toasted wheat bread, neufchatel cheese spread across the toast, slices of avocado layered on top with a sprinkling of lemon juice and salt and pepper. Not only was this surprisingly yummy, but it covered my grains, dairy, and fruits all in one snack :) I was a bit nervous the first time I was attempting it - but found I had to share more than I would have preferred with my husband who loved it as much as I did, not just a pregnancy delight I guess!

2) Nilla-Sandwiches: two Nilla wafers, one slathered on the flat side with peanut butter, the other slathered on the flat side with Nutella, put your wafers together and yum! again - had to share more with Manny than my selfish heart desired . . . good thing for I love him so much and love to make him happy ;)

I wish a bag of potato chips counted as a "creation" but there's no way I can figure out how to make that argument . . . but there just hasn't been a day of my pregnancy when I would have turned down an offer of a good greasy handful. Don't worry, I have kept that craving at bay for the most part, but this has involved some serious self-discipline on occasion!

Ecu-Eco-Stewarship

I think I'm making up a new term when I say "Ecu-Eco-Stewardship," so bare with me. I mean this to be an abbreviation of Ecumenical Ecological Stewardship. By ecumenical, I mean promoting or tending toward worldwide Christian unity or cooperation, something I feel personally called to. I think Ecological is self-explanatory. Stewardship is a value my parents taught me to work on. Our last name (my maiden name) being "Stewart," meant that we were to be stewards towards others - servants towards others and stewards of whatever we're given. So in sum, I mean the term to refer to being grateful for and responsible with the planet resources God has provided us with as a corporate Church (big C referring to both small church congregations and the Church universal) body. While I might be making up the term, I'm hardly making up the concept, as there are several people and churches already doing great work in this area.

It has been fascinating to me as I've grown up to see how God has challenged me to grow my conception of this value of stewardship. I learned about being a fiscal steward through my stint in the fundraising realm, which I learned is most meaningful and effective when you consider it an operation of stewarding others' gifts vs. manipulating people to get as much money out of them as possible.  This experience also challenged me to think critically about how to best steward my own financial resources, both spending wisely and as one board member I worked with used to say, "giving until it feels good." When I studied abroad in Sri Lanka, an impoverished but lush third world country, I learned how disregarding environmental responsibility was a luxury of our wealth and privilege in America. And after spending 5 years living in the Bay Area, I was increasingly convicted of a biblical call upon us all to consider our expenditures according to a triple bottom line - are we "in the red" financially, socially, or environmentally? How are we stewarding people, profit, and planet?

But just because I've been convicted about all of these things, doesn't mean I'm quite living an exemplary life in any one of these areas. I would like to make efforts in these directions though. Our pastor, Stephen Phelan, recently preached an entire sermon on one verse in Nehemiah (chapter 10, verse 31) and God spoke to me in several ways that morning. [check the sermon out for yourself: click here] Here's the verse: "and if the peoples of the land bring in merchandise or any grain on the sabbath day to sell, we will not buy it from them on the sabbath or on a holy day; and we will forego the crops of the seventh year and the exaction of every debt."

He spoke on Sabbath, an ever mysterious concept to me, and how the year of Jubilee that was supposed to be spent resting in the Lord and focusing on stewarding all He's given you. By the by, I counted it out, and it turns out I've been working for 6 years since college, so this, being year seven, is my year of Jubilee - which I'm (accidentally) taking off, to rest. Even if I shouldn't deserve any credit for being intentional about this choice, I am trying to now treat it with an attitude of Sabbath (how restful do you think my first 6 months with a newborn will be?) and stewardship. He also spoke about how in the seventh year, the land would take a sabbath rest - which served both the purpose of taking care of the land [ancient environmentalism] as well as forcing the people to put faith in God to provide for them. Preaching on the passage moved Stephen to push his whole congregation to think about how to be better stewards of the environment, as a church body.

Knowing I'd been part of Christ Church of the East Bay, which has put considerable energies into considering how to be good stewards of the environment as a church body, Stephen asked if I could help the church think about how to go about this. I am NO expert on these things what-so-ever, I can't emphasize this enough - but I appreciated the challenge.  After turning to my more knowledgeable and experienced friends (thank you Jerry, Bryan, and Thera!), I was able to gather some great resources and ideas around this area to present to the Harbor Mid-City staff, I thought it could be worth sharing here in case others might be similarly interested or convicted.

Helpful Websites:

·       Resources for becoming a Green Church:

o   http://www.abingdonpress.com/greenchurch/forms/default.aspx?pageid=633&id=124

·       Tips for incorporating Eco-Justice into Church ministries:

o   http://www.eco-justice.org/

o   http://www.eco-justice.org/tips.asp

o   http://www.eco-justice.org/tips-a.asp

·       National Council of Churches (Church of Christ) Greening Churches Programs:

o   http://nccecojustice.org/index.php

o   http://nccecojustice.org/greenchurch/

·       First Pres. Berkeley’s Sustainability Initiatives/Resources:

o   http://www.fpcberkeley.org/green_links.asp

o   http://www.fpcberkeley.org/green.asp 

o   http://www.fpcberkeley.org/green_practices.asp 

Books:

·       Our Father’s World, By Edward R. Brown

o   [Google book]

·       Earth­Wise: A Biblical Response to Environmental Issues, by Cal De Witt, published by Faith Alive, Grand Rapids, Michigan (1994, 2007)

Possible Opportunities for Eco-Stewardship Practices:

Bulletin:

·       Switch to more power point slides, less pages in the bulletin [outer, weekly, re-usable folder with basic constant info and connection card tear off, reduce to 1-2 pages for scripture notes and announcements?]

·       Print on recycled/recyclable paper

·       Have recycling bins available outside service

Hospitality:

·       Switch to recycled/compostable cups

·       Offer coffee mugs for sale to benefit a chosen nonprofit – encourage people to bring their own cups/mugs for coffee so they don’t have to use cups at all (people could also donate or bring extra coffee cups/mugs for use on Sundays, volunteers could wash weekly and bring back)

·       Is coffee fair trade?

·       Are grounds used for composting?

·       Are food scraps composted?

·       Are snacks local baked goods?

Service:

·       Reduce energy expenditures (maybe get a cut on rental costs?)

·       Have an “unplugged Sunday” once/month

Administrative:

·       Make Trash/recycling/compost bins available around church premises

·       Switch to as many online/email/projected distributions as possible from mailed/printed materials [such as newsletters?]

·       Cancel junk mail that gets sent to church staff

·       youth/other t-shirts made sweatshop free, organic (by local small biz. If possible, like Homies in San Francisco)

·       Have all printing done on recycled paper/stock

Outside Church Service:

·       Provide ideas/resources for families to increase eco-stewardship at home, in their communities, work places, etc.

·       Children’s church lessons re: creation/stewardship

·       IOB church lessons re: creation/stewardship

·       Adult ed. church lessons re: creation/stewardship

The staff was really great and receptive to what I had to present. They even made some decisions to make some immediate changes, like no longer using styrofoam cups to serve coffee. It was pretty exciting to see change so swiftly happening before my very eyes!

But at the same time, the discussion raised some challenging questions that I think are fairly representative of the issue of environmentalism when considered at a more national level. One of the unique things about this church is that it is a bi-lingual congregation. English and Spanish speakers worship together and hear separate sermons in their respective languages. It is a beautiful model of community in many ways, and a great opportunity for me to learn a little bit of Spanish (a very little bit, I'm pretty slow at language acquisition!). At the same time, doing community together with language and cultural barriers presents loads of challenges, no wonder not everyone does it. The congregations are in different places socio-economically as well as in terms of spiritual maturity, which has significant implications for trying to initiate efforts that are meant to be biblically grounded, but also have substantial of current socio-political ties. As much as environmental waste is a luxury of "Western privilege," so too is being morally upstanding and "green" too often a privilege of the wealthy in America. Its such a weird paradox when you think about it.  And as much as I feel confident that we can make a case from the Bible that God has entrusted mankind with caring for the planet and that this is gospel, kingdom building work, this may or may not be a lesson for Christianity-101, I honestly can't say where I stand on this issue. People first coming to know Christ as their personal savior may have bit off enough to chew on in terms of understanding sin, grace, and redemption - but I wonder if a call to care for people and planet should be part of the fabric of faith from day one? The point is, committing ourselves to Ecu-Eco-Stewardship as a diverse church body presents even greater challenges than the already difficult work of having the self (and group)-discipline to change our ways with regards to consumption. But I am excited to consider and face these challenges with my community and see what fruit can be born of the effort.

Baby's First Outfit

Can I tell you how grateful I am for friends and family that have good fashion sense? I am so terribly lacking in this area. I literally started having a panic attack the other day when I realized I was technically full-term [within 3 weeks of my due date] and that in a matter of days, I would be responsible not only for the daily stress of dressing myself (a regular trial for me, someone who grew up wearing one uniform for 13 straight years and never quite learned to pick out clothes), but also dressing another female, probably a few times a day, based on what I hear about spit-up and diaper explosions. Most people that hear that I'm having a girl are so happy for me because of all the cute clothes out there, which is so true. But you people just can't understand how inept I am at these things.

Thank goodness several friends and family have gifted me with adorable things to get my poor little girl's wardrobe started on a good note. My sister found her some baby cowgirl shoes, to make sure she knew her roots were in Texas. My grandmother, who always looks classy and gorgeous in an almost strictly black and white wardrobe, has already sent her a black and white, very classy little hoody set. My friends have managed to provide us both with some elegant pink attire, as well as shnazzy non-pink combinations that I'm quite excited about - that all come together in sets, so I don't have to think about how to match them up!

Even with all these great provisions, I was rather stressed as I was preparing our "go-bag" for the hospital, which needed to include one outfit for her to go home in. I tried to follow the advice I'd read of bringing one PJ set and a receiving blanket to swaddle her in. I figured some socks and a hat would be good too, to make sure she's warm. I got it all packed, but a matter of days later when I pulled it out realized how poorly the pieces coordinated with one another and re-picked an outfit. Its her first outfit, I figure there will likely be several pictures being taken that day to document the milestone, its just too much pressure. So while an outfit is technically packed, I imagine I might end up re-evaluating this a few more times before we actually make it to the hospital. I might have to call in re-enforcements to consult on this decision. This is an area of creativity I'm really going to need to get more comfortable with soon!

Timid Political Action

I have never been very politically savvy, much less politically active, almost intentionally so for most of my life. My social work program certainly challenged me in this area, educating me about how impacting policy issues are to individuals and groups of people. While in the program, I did attend Lobby Days, an event put on by the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) to educate us about policy and lobbying for the issues that impact the clients we provide direct services to. While at the event, I went with a group to speak to a councilman to advocate for some policies impacting seniors and foster youth and was encouraged that our issues were going to likely be supported because we'd voiced support for them. I even went to a rally. I was pretty impressed with myself for all that political action and how much I learned and even had fun in the process - but haven't done all that much in this arena since then.


Last week, I revived my political energies with 2 activities in a matter of days.


The first activity: Last Tuesday, I attended a San Diego USD school board meeting in support of City Heights Prep, a charter school my friend, Dr. Marnie Nair is in the process of trying to start up. I met Marnie when she was a post-doc at Berkeley and have had fun reconnecting with her down here and finding little ways to support her exciting venture to bring innovative college preparatory resources to a low-income, largely refugee community that has to send between five to 6,000 children outside of their community in order to get a safe and sufficient education. She's going to make it possible for people to take pride in their own community, for children to stop spending 3 hours a day on a bus that they could be spending learning or developing relationships with their family or local community members, and for children to have great academic opportunities that will grow their talents and enable them to return to their community to re-invest in it.


As I walked into the district building for the first time, I did not feel like I belonged. But I soon found some people I knew who were also supporting Marnie's efforts and was soon comforted by a whole host of familiar, smiling faces. Our friend Mo, our moving angel who showed up the day we arrived in San Diego to help us unload our truck without having ever met us before; our pastor, Stephen, who had sent Mo to us that day; and a handful of other people Marnie or Mo or Stephen has introduced me to. Before Marnie's presentation, I had to sit through about an hour of other people speaking. The first presenters were school counselors and school social workers [that's what my professional certification is in] begging the board not to further cut funding for their positions in schools. It was both stressful to think about their funding being cut, my own field being undervalued, my friend's job opportunities being further narrowed, but also exciting to see that there were brave women fighting for the mental health resources of public school students. I hope their arguments were effective with the board! The next presenters were another group petitioning for a charter to start a new school. There were about 5 or 6 people there from that group all together. They gave a decent presentation about special programs or innovations they would involve in their school design, but spent a large amount of time talking about the "American Dream," a concept I feel increasingly skeptical and concerned about, so I had mediocre feelings as they wrapped up their case.


When their presentation ended, Marnie and her co-presenters approached the podium as something like 50-80 blue signs raised and rustled with great gusto, reading "City Heights Prep." The faces of the board members reflected incredible shock and most heads in the room darted around, finding that almost the entire auditorium was filled with supporters for these presenters - we all beamed with pride to be part of the effort together.  Marnie and her presenters gave a well-rounded case for City Heights Prep, from Marnie's incredible resume of experience in educational leadership and research, to a high school community development leader's articulate imploring for bringing this much needed resources to his neighborhood, to a financially savvy guy with respect-inducing grey hairs articulating the professional economic and strategic efforts made by the school's board already, to my favorite, the young man who would be a student when the school opens its middle school, who brought tears to my eyes (and warm smiles to the board members' faces) as he spoke about how Marnie, who serves as his tutor, taught him to know himself as a reader by reading Narnia books with him. As these presenters walked back from the podium, there was a massive racket as nearly the entire room stood and shuffled out of the room in a mass exodus. Again, the faces of the school board members was priceless, this time both shocked and smiling at the apparently unusual show of support for this community-responsive effort. All I did was show up and hold a little sign, but it felt like a pretty powerful experience to be one of so many making a big impact together.

The second activity: The DREAM Act passed in the House last week, and is up for vote in the Senate. Here's a recent article about it, if you're interested. It is somewhat controversial, but this is about kids who have been brought to the US, who we've invested in by already providing several years of education to, it seems like we could all benefit by giving them an opportunity for legal citizenship. I hear the point about this providing a slippery slope, encouraging illegal activities, but I encourage you to try to get your hands on a copy of "Which Way Home" and watch it, to consider who it is we might be criminalizing in not passing this bill, and what we're sending these children back to. For maybe the first time in my life, I actually called my Congress-person to express my support. This was a pretty tiny effort, as she's already in support of the Act herself, but it still made me nervous to make the call - hopefully the ease and pleasantry of doing it this once will make it easier in the future. Here are some phone numbers if you'd also like to make a call:

ARIZONA

Senator McCain and Kyl can be reached at:  202-224-3121 

INDIANA

Lugar: (202) 224-4814

UTAH

Bennett: (202) 224-5444

Hatch: (202) 224-5251

KANSAS

Brownback: (202) 224-6521

MAINE

Collins: (202) 224-2523

Snowe: (202) 224-5344

ALASKA

Murkowski: (202) 224-6665

MISSOURI

McCaskill: (202) 224-6154

LOUISIANA

Landrieu: (202) 224-5824

NORTH CAROLINA

Hagan: (202) 224-6342

OHIO

Voinovich: (202) 224-3353

FLORIDA

LeMieux: (202) 224-3041

TEXAS

Hutchison: (202) 224-5922

NEW HAMPSHIRE

Gregg: (202) 224-3324

MASSACHUSETTS

Brown: (202) 224-2315

SOUTH CAROLINA

Graham: (202) 224-5972

MICHIGAN

Stabenow: (202) 224-4822

VIRGINIA

Warner: (202) 224-2023

Webb: (202) 224-4024

WEST VIRGINIA

Manchin: (202) 224-3954

Amy Grant Christmas and Happy Birthday to my Mom

I'm really revealing myself as a child of the 80's, and a christian child of the 80's at that, when I share that while many of you associate things like Charlie Brown with Christmas time and are gearing up to re-watch such movies for the millionth time, one of the strongest associations I have is this movie (that I haven't seen in probably 2 decades) of Amy Grant and "A Tender Tennessee Christmas."

I'm having trouble even finding evidence of it having ever existed - but I remember loving watching this show we had taped on TV over and over again each Christmas as a kid. I was a huge Amy Grant fan, and the songs, like Tender Tennessee Christmas give me warmer-fuzzies than any Bing Crosby songs out there (though I enjoy those too). While I was still sweating out my holiday festivities in hot and humid Houston, I loved to curl up to this video in the air conditioning, dreaming of riding along with Amy Grant on a snowy Sleigh Ride and singing carols in her barn some day. My cousin actually went to college in Tennessee and did get to regularly sing with Amy in her barn [this was part of Songs from the Loft] - awesome.

But as a kid, I thought I had an even better deal when some of the girls from my church asked me what it was like to be Amy Grant's daughter. After my initial deer in the headlights blank stare I returned to their comment, shocked at such a suggestion, my little brain started to put all the evidence together. My mom, whose name was just "Mom," as far as I knew, did sing a lot of songs in front of our whole church that were on the Amy Grant albums we always listened to. My mom was also beautiful, with full brown wavy hair, like Amy Grant. She'd never mentioned anything about her fame, time on the road for concert tours, or the challenges of the music industry, but being an awesome mom was her number one job, so why would she have worried me about such things? This was so awesome! My mom was also my favorite musician (next to Cindy Lauper), and she was famous, and it made all my friends think I was cool. Queue fireworks and fan fare in my little childhood mind.

In case you hadn't guessed, it turns out my mom isn't actually Amy Grant, which is maybe a good thing, since it meant she had time to be around for my childhood and my parents aren't divorced. BUT, my mom might still be my favorite vocalist - she brings me to tears pretty much every single time she sings with her beautiful voice - especially when she sings "Breath of Heaven," which so happens to be an Amy Grant Christmas song by the way. She was famous, just in a smaller realm - we still can't go anywhere in Houston without running into a handful of people who recognize and are delighted to see her [in addition to all the fans of her musical performances, she's been a teacher for close to 2 decades and has many former students who just love her to death]. And my mom has invested so much into me, that she deserves the credit for most of the "cool" attributes I might have, if any. She taught me valuable lessons about how to be a good friend, how to be creative and passionate, how to be a life-long student, and she just generally set the bar really high for me to live up to in becoming a woman, wife, and soon-to-be mother.

As much as I have been able to write about all kinds of significant events and people in my life, writing about my mother has always been the most challenging topic, and therefore one I've avoided. There is something about the fact that I am, as we say, her "little clone," the fact that perhaps my connection to her is one of the most intimate and mysterious relationships in my life, that it is the least knowable or least able to be expressed. Really articulating what she means to me requires the most profound level of self-reflection, and its a feat I always stumble over. The complexities become too overwhelming. I sense that something about this experience is somewhat universal - any other women understand what I'm struggling to express here? But - I'm supposed to be challenging myself creatively, right? And today is her birthday, so while being serenaded and comforted by old-school Amy Grant Christmas music, in honor of her special day, I'm making my first attempt here.

I have stood in awe of her all of my life, and expended so much energy trying to emulate her. She found the love of her life and began to date him when she was 13 and they are married to this day. I had my first boyfriend at 13 and was crushed when he didn't turn out to be "the one." [though I'm glad that my Manny found me later in life, as it gave me time to work out some kinks that might have permanently scared him off if we'd met each other in middle school, and at the same time, I wish I could have met him back then, as I know I would have had a huge crush on him and wouldn't have wasted so much time and emotional energy elsewhere] I went to the same high school she did and tried to work so hard at my studies, inducing many a nervous-breakdown, only to have my 10th grade French teacher, who had also taught her French, bring in his dusty grade book from the 1970's one day, opening to the page that proved my mother had made all A's in his class and asking me why I was only pulling of B's. [I've already mentioned in an earlier post how my father took the fall for the genetic dilution in situations like this, but I probably just should have studied harder and spent less time talking on the phone]

She was married by the time she was 18 [I was 22], had a masters degree by the time she was 21 [I was 27], and had her first child by the time she was 22 [mine is still on her way . . . ]. It is hard not to feel like I am just behind schedule. She raised my sister and I with creativity and dedication that I've never seen matched in any other mother. For one example, every single birthday party was a unique and original creation. There was the Jonah-and-the-whale pool party, where all the favors were home-made and we played all kinds of pool games that all managed to tie into the Jonah story. The dress-as-your-favorite-historical-heroine party (I was Helen of Troy, who I think I only learned about because she taught me about it for the sake of that party - I was only in 2nd grade or so) was a huge hit that included a home-cooked fancy luncheon where we all ordered from menus that had code names for each dish and utensil, so you might order a spoon with a salad for your first course, a knife and fork with your ice cream for your second course, and a straw and a croissant sandwich for your last course . . . it was hugely entertaining and recalled to me by one of my school mates after we graduated high school as one of the coolest birthday parties she could remember attending. Even when she went back to work to become a rock star teacher, she still transported me to and from school and all my extra curricular activities, attended all my performances, had a well balanced home cooked meal on the table every night, and read to me before I went to bed. When I went off to college to start my own career track, she went back to school and earned her second masters - which by the way, she juggled with working full time, and planning my entire wedding before she graduated with a perfect 4.0 GPA. Amy Grant is looking pretty shabby by comparison now, isn't she? ;)

And yet, as impossibly high as this bar is that she has set, I can not think of a single instance in all of my life that my mother has lorded this over me or spoken to me with anything other than love and encouragement that empowered me to exceed her example or my own expectations for myself. She pushed me, yes, especially when I was coming home with those B's in French class, but never using words like, "when I was your age, I . . . " I often marvel at how she managed to instill in me the values that she did, or how she helped me to make what good decisions I did make growing up. As I start to read books on parenting, and read studies about all the ways parents parent poorly, or the inevitability of your children lying to you, etc. I want to know what magic she worked that had me 100% convinced that I could not lie to her without her seeing through it, so I just stopped trying after I was about 5 and I realized I couldn't get away with pretending I'd brushed my teeth when I hadn't. I want to know how she and my dad communicated to me so that I understood so clearly our family values for being servants of others, living passionately, never fearing to deviate from the norms for the sake of conforming to negative influences around us. Not that I've perfectly lived according to these values my any means, but the goal to do so was so clear.

I want my own daughter to have so many of these advantages, and yet my mother's effectiveness seems as mystical as the workings of the Wizard of Oz did to Dorothy and the crew. I already feel astounded at the power of the bond of love I feel for this little life inside of me. I am so curious and excited for the experience of holding her for the first time and being impacted by the skin-to-skin contact, the resulting hormonal onslaught, the first glimpses into her little eyes. I think this all makes my mother's birthday all the more significant for me this year, as I consider how she has shaped me to be a mother to my own daughter, not to mention the new bar she will be setting for grandmother-hood! Thanks for letting me get a little extra-personal today in a vain attempt to give her a taste of the honor she deserves on her special day as I bumble through the challenge of putting such things into writing. Happy Birthday Mom!      

Pottery Painting Finale: The Winners

It is quite obvious that the winner of my little pottery painting identification contest is "my name is emily" - which I could have predicted before I made the post. I don't blame you all for being too intimidated by Emily's expertise to try to make any more guesses, her natural skills and fierce competitiveness makes her proficient at many activities and certainly intimidated me out of games like ping pong back in college (also, she realized trying to play ping pong with me was really a waste of her time and talent, cause wow, I'm not good at that game! Move on over to the foosball table, and its a different story. Watch out!). Therefore! Emily - you can feel free to send me a few suggestions for how you would like your own pot decorated, and I'll get to work! Congratulations!

Honorable mention goes to Stephen Chen, who while he did not post his guesses online, did successfully identify every single story and most authors to me in person. Stephen's proficiency is just one of the many marks of his being a super great dad to the adorable little Mayah, who is fully and wonderfully spoiled with an incredible library of children's stories that I hope my own little gal can come visit and enjoy some day in the not-to-distant future. I happen to have exactly two blank pots left - which means Stephen, you also get to make your own request for a pot design.

The official answers are:
1. Le Petit Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery 
2. The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein
3. Curious George Goes to a Chocolate Factory, by H.A. Rey [not to be confused with the I Love Lucy episode in the chocolate factory, though that was a likely inspiration, or "monkey meatball factory" - though those were entertaining guesses]
4. the poems "Hug o War" and "Early Bird," by Shel Silverstein
5. Where the Wild Things Are, by Maurice Sendak [I also very much enjoy the Dave Eggars movie rendition, especially as a play therapist - more sad than you would expect, but beautifully done]
6. the poem "Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too," by Shel Silverstein
7. The Mysterious Tadpole, by Steven Kellogg
8. the poem "Where the Sidewalk Ends," by Shel Silverstein [he was obviously a favorite of mine growing up, and also, his drawings were quite easy to mimic - especially the ones without color, so the large number of pots are both an homage to him and a sign of my laziness]
9. an assortment of Beatrix Potter characters
10.   Corduroy, by Don Freeman

Now everyone can look forward to seeing how I can manage the challenge of pots-on-request vs. just what seems do-able in my own little mind! This might get interesting . . .